(I wish) I Woke Up Like This

We all know those people. The ones that practically skip out of bed in the morning. At 6AM when their internal alarm clock rings from the depths of their subconscious. They have run five miles, done 75 squats and 50 lunges, and had a nutritious high protein, low carb breakfast all before 7:30AM, when most of us trudge from our beds to our bathrooms as if there were hundred pound shackles bound to our feet.

Photo credit to the cool things Colleen Leddy has at her amazing bachelorette party.

After breakfast, this person sits down to spend an hour on their personal project. They are the writers, philosophers, entrepreneurs, makers, creators. The enlightened ones, if you will. They are the masters of their own lives. They had a dream at one point (and yes, MLK would also be considered one of these SSs), and are either on the very well paved path to achieving it, or in the midst of the surreal splendor of it.

For the luckiest, this one morning hour turns into many hours. They spend their day building the landscapes and skylines of their future.

All my life, I’ve tried to be a Self-Starter. I set goals for myself, and I achieve them momentarily. Writing every day for two weeks straight. Opting into initiatives like the 100-day program. Taking classes and feeling the rush of anticipation in the moments before, and the flood of satisfaction in the moments after. Enlivening characters I fall in love with, rooms I want to occupy, and storylines I want to share with everyone I possibly can.

I do it! And I love it! And then comes a moment when I stop. When the path to achieving my dreams becomes so convoluted, like a maze in the dark, in the middle of a large expanse of land, surrounded by nothingness. So even if I were to ever emerge, I’d only find another harrowing obstacle.

The self-starter has this same moment. When they stop and evaluate. But, these f**kers (excuse my French) just happen to be Eagle Scouts who know how to use the crap on the ground and friction to create a bright and fiery torch to light their way. They have to push through and persevere, too. Even though we might feel that by sheer will-power they can light-up the world.

So all you Self-Starters out there. Can you please take some time from being incredible, jealousy-inciting humans to give us all some advice on how in the world you do it?! Also, sorry I called you all f**kers (excuse my French, again). It comes from a place of love and admiration. Promise.




Living for Tuesdays

Remember that moment, when we were kids, and the final bell rang on the last day of the school year? Remember how your heart fluttered, and a sense of levity settled into your body as you sprang up to gather in the hallways and say “see you soon” to all of your friends?
In adult life, I guess you can feel a wisp of the same. When you finally shut down for a weekend (given it’s work-free), and as you leave the office the air feels fresher, somehow. Filled with potential. You realize that for this little sliver of the week, it’s “me-time.” You can just be you! You can do whatever you want, focusing on fulfilling yourself, and spend time doing things you actually enjoy.
But how rare are these feelings?
Simply put, really rare. All too rare. Like only 30% of your life rare (give or take).
In a fleeting moment of leisure last week (a sliver of the aforementioned “me-time,” between finishing one project, and starting the next, in a centimeter-wide gap in my Google calendar, I was scrolling through Tumblr, looking for something to make me feel motivated, inspired, awakened. And I tumbled upon this.

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It sort of scared me. It’s not that I haven’t found “something worth living for.” That’s not it at all. I have plenty to live for! But that doesn’t mean that I spend every day really living. Maybe I am kind of wasting my life away. I don’t make the most of every day – not even close. In fact, I spend much of the day doing quite the opposite. Wishing it away, watching the minutes tick until I can be home with Mr. P & Kingston, maybe read a book, or watch some mindless TV. But there are so many other things that make me happy. And almost more importantly, make me feel alive. Seeing friends, going to performances around the city (we have been going to The Moth and every time I go I like it more and more), taking classes, exercising, writing, traveling, cooking, being outdoors. And I guess it is sort of my fault that I don’t do any of it.
So even though New Years Resolutions feel premature at the moment (and I generally think they’re bullshit), this is going to be my resolution – to be the kind of person that makes the best out of Tuesday.