Honesty Hour

Welcome to our second official Honesty Hour on Jointly! We’ve promised to always bring you the cold, hard truth, so brace yourself. We’re about to open up our hearts, minds, and yes, mouths, to you.

Question: What is something that has been bothering you lately?



To be totally honest (cue Honest by Future), something pretty big has been bothering me since the start of the new year. It’s funny I’m actually hesitant to come out and say this because I’m not one for expressing my truest, inner feelings with the entire internet world. But, here goes nothing. Since 2014 began I’ve felt repeated pangs of disappoint in people around me. In fact, I think at some point every single person I’m close to has found a way to let me down in 2014. I think the number one thing that makes me lose a little faith in people is their readiness to commit to something, to make promises, and then to back out without even an ounce of guilt. I don’t think people realize that when they commit to something they put themselves in a position where you are relying on them.  Why anyone would not mind letting others down, I’m not quite sure.

Our dad always taught us to follow through on commitments. It doesn’t matter how much you don’t want to go to that family party, or how much you don’t want to talk to your distant relative on the phone, you suck it up and you do it, and do it with a goddamn smile. These are basic manners that have been handed down generation by generation since God knows when and honestly I’m not sure how they got lost in Generation Y.

Suck it up and do it with a goddamn smile, Generation Y.


Screen Shot 2014-02-06 at 10.30.44 AM

One of the biggest realizations of my (young) adult life has been people’s sad proclivities to put themselves last. It’s funny to write this in conjunction with my sister’s post because when I was her age… in fact, maybe up until I was like 24… I felt much the same way as her. I felt like people should do things for each other. And I will always think that way (for the most part). I will always go to places I don’t want to go, and try my best to pick up the phone when I don’t want to talk, but sometimes I really really really just need to do things for me.

After umpteenth nights of staying at work late because someone wanted to talk after their 15 meetings, or skipping my workout to to talk to a friend on the phone, or smiling and bearing it as all of my hopes and dreams of reading a book on my bed went into the shitter because I had to go get last minute drinks with my client, my perspective has changed.

What’s been bothering me lately is that some people put themselves last, even in a world where others put themselves first. If you want to come in at 11am because you want to hit up your favorite yoga class in the morning, then why can’t I leave at 7pm to spend time with my fiancé or HELLO – PLAN MY UPCOMING WEDDING.

I understand the importance of hard-work, and putting time in to earn stars and stripes – in work, friendships, and life in general. But I’m over always forgoing my own wants and needs. At the end of the day, if you’re not happy, healthy, and… well… sane… everything in your life will suffer. So I say, tell your friends you can’t (unless it’s something important like a birthday, or if you already promised – then don’t be a flake! No one likes flakes!), leave your phone in the other room, and CHILL. You deserve it. I’m sure.
Also I am happy to recommend content on Netflix, Hulu, or HBO Go for your viewing pleasure.
Jointly yours,
A & K

Sorry Not Sorry

Hello from the brinks of K-hell!

K-hell: a state of life in which one cannot eat whatever one pleases. This is what hell is like in my mind. And thanks to whizzie removal (wisdom teeth), I am in the depths of hell.

Anyways, the past few days I have done little aside from lay in bed and watch TV or sleep. So obviously I’ve had a lot of time to think and I hit a huge realization about myself.

I apologize far too often and too much.


(I like to think that I look that cute while apologizing)

I’m not sure exactly why this is. Maybe it’s my hatred for confrontation. Maybe it’s my desire to not get fired from my internship. Or maybe it’s because I don’t want my professors to hate me. Whatever it is, I’ve come to see how utterly ridiculous is.


I send an e-mail to a professor or my boss saying I won’t be in class or in the office because I’m sick, and then I sign it “Sorry for the inconvenience!” Uhm, what? If I’m saying sorry to anyone it should be myself because being sick sucks and it’s a huge inconvenience to me. This past week one of my professors sent out an e-mail saying that he had made a mistake on the syllabus and our paper that was due later in the week was actually on Chapter 4, not 3. Of course, with my luck, I get this e-mail as I’m writing the conclusion of the seven page paper. I e-mailed the professor letting him know that I had already finished the paper and asking him if he’d accept it or not. And then I signed it sorry! What the hell was I sorry for!? He’s the one who messed up! Seriously, I’m ridiculous.

I’m the first to apologize to the important people in my life just because I rather not have any negativity between us. But I’m pretty sure most of the time it’s not even my fault and I’m stretching to even find a reason to apologize. And yet I still do it. I apologize when I don’t respond to text messages within a couple hours. I say “Sorry, I was in class!” if I miss a phone call. But really, I’m not sorry. There’s nothing for me to be sorry for. I’m not sorry that I’m being responsible and sitting in class or at work and not answering my phone.

I know you all do this too, because you do it to me. And you know what? Don’t. Why do we need to constantly be apologizing for things like falling ill or being busy?! For speaking our minds or not agreeing with something? There are definitely times in life when you should apologize, but being yourself or being busy or sick are not on that list.

Why should we apologize for things that are completely out of our control? Why should we apologize for being ourselves? Answer: we shouldn’t.

I think, at least for me, a lot of this has to do with how sure I am of myself. Especially if I’m talking to people above me (professors, superiors at work) I will always apologize or allow them to pile more work on me and take it with a smile. But why? My dad always taught A and I to put our feet down and not let people take advantage of our kindness, and somewhere in the scary adult world, I lost hold of that lesson.

So I’m not sorry. And you shouldn’t be either.


With love,